Princess of Chile

I am in the Lake District of Chile getting to know a relative-in-law, a Swiss-Italian woman with definite fascist tendencies. In her glory days of Germanic Brigitte Bardot beauty, she was a couture model who hobnobbed with Audrey Hepburn and dated Ronald Reagan. She married my great uncle, a regal Bavarian version of Hugh Hefner, and they eventually retired to a Chilean ranch where they keep about 68 dogs, along with thirty horses who never appear to be ridden. They have become devout Evangelical Christians and have an on-site chocolate factory, so there is as much natural chocolates and homemade marmalade as you could desire. It is a surprising confluence of disparate elements: Jesus-loving former Jet-Set Germans, endearing Spanish servants, tranquil Chilean farmland, afternoon küchen, and a gaggle of formerly homeless dogs.

Gauche Things to do in an Internet Cafe in a Foreign Country:

1. Logging into your boyfriend´s email account to read his incoming and outgoing messages. And then realizing that your boyfriend joined Match.com the day you left for your trip.

2. Reading aloud excerpts from a Wikipedia entry about how said country´s former dictator instituted a period of repression called "The Caravan of Death."

3. Watching Youtube videos entitled "David Byrne Interviews Himself."

4. Looking at photographs of the picturesque lake town in which the internet cafe is located, instead of looking at the actual lake.