Safe Stirrups

There are few things more awkward or irritating than the annual gynecological visit. Well, I can think of loads of more uncomfortable scenarios, but on this icy March afternoon, the last thing I wanted to do was to sit semi-naked, partially wrapped in over-sized white paper towel "gowns," atop a hospital table with its own pair of stirrups. And the doctor never arrives in a timely manner.

Gauche things to say to your Gynecologist:

1. When asked the following question about your sex life "So, you have a steady partner?": Replying, "Yes, at least one of them is definitely steady."

2. When asked if you need a refill on your birth control pill: Replying, "No, I'm pretty sure none of my partners are father-material."

3. When asked if you use condoms: Replying, "No. But let's hope he does."

Overall, the awkward physical aspect of going to the gynecologist is only exacerbated by the fact that half the time, or most of the time, the patient is not even in an intimate relationship, let alone multiple ones (like the gauche and rather promiscuous above-mentioned example). Being alone on a cold doctor's table with stirrups should be more enticing than being in bed with a wanker, but unfortunately, women seem to gravitate towards the latter.

The above picture is of the Beinecke Rare Book & Manuscript Library, New Haven. Please understand that this post advises people to practice safe sex and be as selective as possible with their partners.